This is a good question. Why blog? Why bother at all? Why do people blog?
Is it the charm of e-publishing, which prints every word of yours without reading or editing? Or is it another space to put up that old balloon, our bloated ego, and call out to the world to say see-how -great-am-I? For me it is both :)
One problem with having a readership is that you can never be entirely honest. For instance everyone who reads this page, all of them without exception, know my real name and identity. So Bimbisara becomes a farce and I am forced to wear the same masks I wear everyday, and every utterance of mine is cleverly monitored(by myself). Consider this: If I am, say, gay, will I ever dare say that openly through this blog? On second thought, that probably depends on what is colloquially referred to as my 'guts'. Who knows? Maybe yes, maybe no.
Yesterday I attended a phD dissertation. The whole affair was OK until they started passing around a sheet to write your name and designation. By the time it reached me, it was full of stuff like Mr.X, Assistant Professor, This College or Dr.Y, Principal, That College. I had a name alright, but what about designation? Should I leave a blank? But the person passing the sheet around was already peering from behind. For a moment I considered the word 'Independent', but then left it because it sounded so election-candidate-like. Finally I came up with Freelancer. I like that word. It's even freer than freelance journalist, because no journalist is attached. Nothing is attached to it, in fact. Wikipedia says a freelancer is someone who is self-employed, a knight whose lance is his own, not any Lord's. Am I or am I not?
Another interesting thing happened there. I ran into my project guide, our dear Dr.MRB, my idol and terror of four B-Tech years and beyond, the person responsible for my first stint as teacher. The lion had come to the presentation in typical fashion, dressed in jogging pants and a T-shirt. "What are you doing these days?" "Nothing", I replied. He thought awhile, and said"Why don't you try the civil services examination?", thus in one stroke joining the long list of luminaries who have suggested to me the same thing. What is it about me that drives people to say this? The fact that I read? The fact (highly debatable) that I do well in exams? Or is it my geek look, reinforced these days by my spectacles? To such suggestions what can I reply? All I can say is that I think I'm not cut for that job. It's not what I want to do with my life.
So what is it that you want to do with your life?
No answer. I am clueless. Twenty-four and still clueless. Not that another twenty years will give a clue. I'll be confused even if I grow to be a hundred.
In June I make a journey. Sometimes I wonder, what will it be like if I step off that train at some random point, and fly away from these tracks forever?
